Monday, May 18, 2009
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The Five Love Languages
How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
Words of Affirmation
Mark Twain once said "I can live for two months on a good compliment."
Verbal appreciation speaks powerfully to persons whose primary Love
Language is "Words of Affirmation." Simple statements, such as, "You
look great in that suit," or "You must be the best baker in the world!
I love your oatmeal cookies," are sometimes all a person needs to hear
to feel loved.
Aside from verbal compliments, another way to communicate through
"Words of Affirmation" is to offer encouragement. Here are some
examples: reinforcing a difficult decision; calling attention to
progress made on a current project; acknowledging a person's unique
perspective on an important topic. If a loved one listens for "Words
of Affirmation," offering encouragement will help him or her to
overcome insecurities and develop greater confidence.
Quality Time
Quality time is more than mere proximity. It's about focusing all your
energy on your mate. A husband watching sports while talking to his
wife is NOT quality time. Unless all of your attention is focused on
your mate, even an intimate dinner for two can come and go without a
minute of quality time being shared.
Quality conversation is very important in a healthy relationship. It
involves sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a
friendly, uninterrupted context. A good mate will not only listen, but
offer advice and respond to assure their mate they are truly
listening. Many mates don't expect you to solve their problems. They
need a sympathetic listener.
An important aspect of quality conversation is self-revelation. In
order for you to communicate with your mate, you must also be in tune
with your inner emotions. It is only when you understand your emotions
and inner feelings will you then be able to share quality
conversation, and quality time with your mate.
Quality activities are a very important part of quality time. Many
mates feel most loved when they spend physical time together, doing
activities that they love to do. Spending time together will bring a
couple closer, and, in the years to come, will fill up a memory bank
that you can reminisce about in the future.
Whether it's sitting on the couch and having a brief conversation or
playing together in a tennis league, quality time is a love language
that is shared by many. Setting aside focused time with your mate will
ensure a happy marriage.
Receiving Gifts
Some mates respond well to visual symbols of love. If you speak this
love language, you are more likely to treasure any gift as an
expression of love and devotion. People who speak this love language
often feel that a lack of gifts represents a lack of love from their
mate. Luckily, this love language is one of the easiest to learn.
If you want to become an effective gift giver, many mates will have to
learn to change their attitude about money. If you are naturally a
spender, you will have no trouble buying gifts for your mate. However,
a person who is used to investing and saving their money may have a
tough time adjusting to the concept of spending money as an expression
of love. These people must understand that you are investing the money
not in gifts, but in deepening your relationship with your mate.
The gift of self is an important symbol of love. Sometimes all your
mate desires is for someone to be there for them, going through the
same trials and experiencing the same things. Your body can become a
very powerful physical symbol of love.
These gifts need not to come every day, or even every week. They don't
even need to cost a lot of money. Free, frequent, expensive, or rare,
if your mate relates to the language of receiving gifts, any visible
sign of your love will leave them feeling happy and secure in your
relationship.
Acts of Service
Sometimes simple chores around the house can be an undeniable
expression of love. Even simple things like laundry and taking out the
trash require some form of planning, time, effort, and energy. Just as
Jesus demonstrated when he washed the feet of his disciples, doing
humble chores can be a very powerful expression of love and devotion
to your mate.
Very often, both pairs in a couple will speak to the Acts of Service
Language. However, it is very important to understand what acts of
service your mate most appreciates. Even though couples are helping
each other around the house, couples will still fight because the are
unknowingly communicating with each other in two different dialects.
For example, a wife may spend her day washing the cars and walking the
dog, but if her husband feels that laundry and dishes are a superior
necessity, he may feel unloved, despite the fact that his wife did
many other chores throughout the day. It is important to learn your
mate's dialect and work hard to understand what acts of service will
show your love.
It is important to do these acts of service out of love and not
obligation. A mate who does chores and helps out around the house out
of guilt or fear will inevitably not be speaking a language of love,
but a language of resentment. It's important to perform these acts out
of the kindness of your heart.
Demonstrating the acts of service can mean stepping out of the
stereotypes. Acts of service require both mates to humble themselves
into doing some chores and services that aren't usually expected from
their gender. However, these little sacrifices will mean the world to
your mate, and will ensure a happy relationship.
Physical Touch
Many mates feel the most loved when they receive physical contact from
their partner. For a mate who speaks this love language loudly,
physical touch can make or break the relationship.
Sexual intercourse makes many mates feel secure and loved in a
marriage. However, it is only one dialect of physical touch. Many
parts of the body are extremely sensitive to stimulation. It is
important to discover how your partner not only physically responds
but also psychologically responds to these touches.
It is important to learn how your mate speaks the physical touch
language. Some touches are irritating and uncomfortable for your mate.
Take the time to learn the touches your mate likes. They can be big
acts, such as back massages or lovemaking, or little acts such as
touches on the cheek or a hand on the shoulder. It's important to
learn how your mate responds to touch. That is how you will make the
most of this love language.
All marriages will experience crisis. In these cases, physical touch
is very important. In a crisis situation, a hug can communicate an
immense amount of love for that person. A person whose primary love
language is physical touch would much rather have you hold them and be
silent than offer any advice.
It is important to remember that this love language is different for
everyone. What type of touch makes you feel secure is not necessarily
what will make your partner happy. It is important to learn each
other's dialects. That way you can make the most of your hugging,
kissing, and other physical contacts.
P.S. Above article adapted from Pinkdot facebook discussion board, written by Roy Tan.
How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
Words of Affirmation
Mark Twain once said "I can live for two months on a good compliment."
Verbal appreciation speaks powerfully to persons whose primary Love
Language is "Words of Affirmation." Simple statements, such as, "You
look great in that suit," or "You must be the best baker in the world!
I love your oatmeal cookies," are sometimes all a person needs to hear
to feel loved.
Aside from verbal compliments, another way to communicate through
"Words of Affirmation" is to offer encouragement. Here are some
examples: reinforcing a difficult decision; calling attention to
progress made on a current project; acknowledging a person's unique
perspective on an important topic. If a loved one listens for "Words
of Affirmation," offering encouragement will help him or her to
overcome insecurities and develop greater confidence.
Quality Time
Quality time is more than mere proximity. It's about focusing all your
energy on your mate. A husband watching sports while talking to his
wife is NOT quality time. Unless all of your attention is focused on
your mate, even an intimate dinner for two can come and go without a
minute of quality time being shared.
Quality conversation is very important in a healthy relationship. It
involves sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a
friendly, uninterrupted context. A good mate will not only listen, but
offer advice and respond to assure their mate they are truly
listening. Many mates don't expect you to solve their problems. They
need a sympathetic listener.
An important aspect of quality conversation is self-revelation. In
order for you to communicate with your mate, you must also be in tune
with your inner emotions. It is only when you understand your emotions
and inner feelings will you then be able to share quality
conversation, and quality time with your mate.
Quality activities are a very important part of quality time. Many
mates feel most loved when they spend physical time together, doing
activities that they love to do. Spending time together will bring a
couple closer, and, in the years to come, will fill up a memory bank
that you can reminisce about in the future.
Whether it's sitting on the couch and having a brief conversation or
playing together in a tennis league, quality time is a love language
that is shared by many. Setting aside focused time with your mate will
ensure a happy marriage.
Receiving Gifts
Some mates respond well to visual symbols of love. If you speak this
love language, you are more likely to treasure any gift as an
expression of love and devotion. People who speak this love language
often feel that a lack of gifts represents a lack of love from their
mate. Luckily, this love language is one of the easiest to learn.
If you want to become an effective gift giver, many mates will have to
learn to change their attitude about money. If you are naturally a
spender, you will have no trouble buying gifts for your mate. However,
a person who is used to investing and saving their money may have a
tough time adjusting to the concept of spending money as an expression
of love. These people must understand that you are investing the money
not in gifts, but in deepening your relationship with your mate.
The gift of self is an important symbol of love. Sometimes all your
mate desires is for someone to be there for them, going through the
same trials and experiencing the same things. Your body can become a
very powerful physical symbol of love.
These gifts need not to come every day, or even every week. They don't
even need to cost a lot of money. Free, frequent, expensive, or rare,
if your mate relates to the language of receiving gifts, any visible
sign of your love will leave them feeling happy and secure in your
relationship.
Acts of Service
Sometimes simple chores around the house can be an undeniable
expression of love. Even simple things like laundry and taking out the
trash require some form of planning, time, effort, and energy. Just as
Jesus demonstrated when he washed the feet of his disciples, doing
humble chores can be a very powerful expression of love and devotion
to your mate.
Very often, both pairs in a couple will speak to the Acts of Service
Language. However, it is very important to understand what acts of
service your mate most appreciates. Even though couples are helping
each other around the house, couples will still fight because the are
unknowingly communicating with each other in two different dialects.
For example, a wife may spend her day washing the cars and walking the
dog, but if her husband feels that laundry and dishes are a superior
necessity, he may feel unloved, despite the fact that his wife did
many other chores throughout the day. It is important to learn your
mate's dialect and work hard to understand what acts of service will
show your love.
It is important to do these acts of service out of love and not
obligation. A mate who does chores and helps out around the house out
of guilt or fear will inevitably not be speaking a language of love,
but a language of resentment. It's important to perform these acts out
of the kindness of your heart.
Demonstrating the acts of service can mean stepping out of the
stereotypes. Acts of service require both mates to humble themselves
into doing some chores and services that aren't usually expected from
their gender. However, these little sacrifices will mean the world to
your mate, and will ensure a happy relationship.
Physical Touch
Many mates feel the most loved when they receive physical contact from
their partner. For a mate who speaks this love language loudly,
physical touch can make or break the relationship.
Sexual intercourse makes many mates feel secure and loved in a
marriage. However, it is only one dialect of physical touch. Many
parts of the body are extremely sensitive to stimulation. It is
important to discover how your partner not only physically responds
but also psychologically responds to these touches.
It is important to learn how your mate speaks the physical touch
language. Some touches are irritating and uncomfortable for your mate.
Take the time to learn the touches your mate likes. They can be big
acts, such as back massages or lovemaking, or little acts such as
touches on the cheek or a hand on the shoulder. It's important to
learn how your mate responds to touch. That is how you will make the
most of this love language.
All marriages will experience crisis. In these cases, physical touch
is very important. In a crisis situation, a hug can communicate an
immense amount of love for that person. A person whose primary love
language is physical touch would much rather have you hold them and be
silent than offer any advice.
It is important to remember that this love language is different for
everyone. What type of touch makes you feel secure is not necessarily
what will make your partner happy. It is important to learn each
other's dialects. That way you can make the most of your hugging,
kissing, and other physical contacts.
P.S. Above article adapted from Pinkdot facebook discussion board, written by Roy Tan.
Are You Ga(me)?, 9:42 AM.
Sunday, May 03, 2009
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May marks the 8th month of the obligatory service. In another 4 months, it not only marks the end of my first year in service, I'm turning 21.
First thing on my mind, Bam! The presents I'd receive, the greetings, presumably the best in 21 years. Then again, there's always the other side of the coin. 21 holds the meaning of 2 times more responsibility than 1 year back. With greater authority comes greater responsibility. Then again, thank God who gave Jesus all the power in heaven and on earth. Cos what he has, I'll have in his name.
Change is mandatory. Everywhere from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet. The movie Shelter set me thinking about how the power of two beats the woman who goes solo. (Yes, in that movie Zach and Shaun did fall in love and lived happily ever after.) People say two heads are better than one, but I shall learn to enjoy monogamy with me myself.
What's bad and what's good prolly can't strike a balance here, but perhaps someone somewhere will appreciate the tipping of the golden scale.
Alright. I'm feeling sleepy from all that thinking.
Au revoir.
First thing on my mind, Bam! The presents I'd receive, the greetings, presumably the best in 21 years. Then again, there's always the other side of the coin. 21 holds the meaning of 2 times more responsibility than 1 year back. With greater authority comes greater responsibility. Then again, thank God who gave Jesus all the power in heaven and on earth. Cos what he has, I'll have in his name.
Change is mandatory. Everywhere from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet. The movie Shelter set me thinking about how the power of two beats the woman who goes solo. (Yes, in that movie Zach and Shaun did fall in love and lived happily ever after.) People say two heads are better than one, but I shall learn to enjoy monogamy with me myself.
What's bad and what's good prolly can't strike a balance here, but perhaps someone somewhere will appreciate the tipping of the golden scale.
Alright. I'm feeling sleepy from all that thinking.
Au revoir.
Are You Ga(me)?, 1:06 PM.
