Friday, June 06, 2008
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Whether or not I spoke, people think i'm a bitch. Whether or not i corresponded or involved myself in conflicts, people think i'm catty. So no matter what, i'm the root of all problems. If my absence makes things a fucking lot better, I'll leave. Quit trying to get your point across through other means except telling me right in front of my face.
I'm lonely. 6 days a week I get up and go to work to do a job that I am not very interested in. Right now it seems like I'm working towards a goal that wont give me anything. I find it hard to get up in the morning, and to fall asleep at night. It's not so bad during the day when I find things to keep me busy. I don't do anything when I get home except sit alone and go online. I used to look forward to weekends just so I can try to sleep the entire day away without having to get up and think about my life, but my current job doesn't allow me so.
I find myself trying to justify my feelings and thinking of what the future could bring. Maybe it will get better? Maybe not, I dont know what to do. I dress myself up as if looking better or being stylish will solve my problems but I know it wont. It's just that I'm still at the point where I don't know where I stand and uncomfortable with the way I am. It's like I've run out of things to constantly worry about and now I'm left with nothing to think about except how sad and boring my life is.
I'm socially maladapted.
"If my absence makes things a fucking lot better, I'll leave."
I just need to think of how.
I'm lonely. 6 days a week I get up and go to work to do a job that I am not very interested in. Right now it seems like I'm working towards a goal that wont give me anything. I find it hard to get up in the morning, and to fall asleep at night. It's not so bad during the day when I find things to keep me busy. I don't do anything when I get home except sit alone and go online. I used to look forward to weekends just so I can try to sleep the entire day away without having to get up and think about my life, but my current job doesn't allow me so.
I find myself trying to justify my feelings and thinking of what the future could bring. Maybe it will get better? Maybe not, I dont know what to do. I dress myself up as if looking better or being stylish will solve my problems but I know it wont. It's just that I'm still at the point where I don't know where I stand and uncomfortable with the way I am. It's like I've run out of things to constantly worry about and now I'm left with nothing to think about except how sad and boring my life is.
I'm socially maladapted.
"If my absence makes things a fucking lot better, I'll leave."
I just need to think of how.
Are You Ga(me)?, 9:25 PM.
