Saturday, January 29, 2005
<data:blog.pageTitle/>
Can’t sleep. Only slept for 4 hrs. Still pondering over what was said. I’m naïve. I’m self-centered. I’m irritating. Come to think of it, whatever xiao ke ai said was really true. I only care for my feelings, and I only cared for my happiness => Self-centered. I painted such a beautiful picture of us being happy, and I always believed in that. However, in reality, this will never happen => Naïve. I try to take time off to phone every night, checking if xiao ke ai had been happy or whatsoever. => Irritating. Verdict: Criticism justified.
“Neng an wei zi ji de ren bi jiao rong yi kuai le” Is this the reason why I always console myself? I hate this song. At least for now. It is because of this, hat resulted in me being so naïve, so irritating, so self-centered. I wasn’t given a chance, but is perseverance wrong? I’m always thought to fight for my own happiness, but it seems that this person here I’m talking about only wants nature to take its course. A long and tedious wait. Again. Will the result satisfy me?
Frozen heart. Ezekiel said, “There isn’t anything called a frozen heart. If so, you won’t donate to the victims of the disaster.” This is only in one instance. Does it prove anything? I think otherwise. It can only show that probably 5% of the heart thawed. Trivial matters. Why am I so bothered by it? It just shows that I have got nothing better to do to involve myself in such “entangling” matters. Preposterous! Verdict: 95% is still frozen.
Out of the blue, da ke ai appeared on 16 Jan 2005. Really adorable. I’m treated so well, yet I did such things so sabotage, all for the sake of myself. => Self-centered. The “sticky” attitude doesn’t work on xiao ke ai. What kind of attitude to adopt when relating to da ke ai? Will I still be getting the same old phrases? The damn problem is: I don’t even know da ke ai’s identity! Andrew kor ah.. I bring u there, u judge for me can not?
I visited da ke ai yesterday. Chatted for quite long. All about other stuffs except what I want to find out. Mission not completed. Result: regret, upset. What if what was said is not what I want to hear? Am I being tested? Or that is only a casual remark.. Is my identity being questioned too? Thomas said that this is only a possibility. However, da ke ai just seem so familiar and so near yet so far. Should I be the one who initiate? Should I stay put in my present position just go all out to intrude?
Can somebody out there tell me what the hell should I do? I took advantage of da ke ai yesterday again. Breach of trust. What will happened if I’m not bothered anymore? Will I get my desserts? Soon. Definitely. Retribution is on the way. Da ke ai, I’m sorry ok? Forgive me. Is it possible to send me your picture? Will I see u in tampines today?
“I”, “me”, “myself”. Taboo words. These words cause my to quarrel with xiao ke ai, and all thanks to these words, I’m ignored. Should I use “we”, “us”, “ourselves” in the first place? It’s to late to realize now. Too pissed off to talk to me le. Can someone talk to me?? Hello!! Anyone there? Isn’t there anyone around?
Why do I have to swallow criticisms that are not true from the “superior” adults? Are they given the priviledge to give unjustifiable, crude remarks? Women. Nothing but trouble. I dunno if this applies to others, but it definitely is the case in my family. Forever so many problems with them. Petty, miserly, always concerned of their face. WTF! What good have I done to receive such wonderful rewards? Hopefully it will get over and done with.
Xiao ke ai, I’ll still persevere de. You can never shake me off, unless I die. I’m gonna fight for the sake of us.
“Neng an wei zi ji de ren bi jiao rong yi kuai le” Is this the reason why I always console myself? I hate this song. At least for now. It is because of this, hat resulted in me being so naïve, so irritating, so self-centered. I wasn’t given a chance, but is perseverance wrong? I’m always thought to fight for my own happiness, but it seems that this person here I’m talking about only wants nature to take its course. A long and tedious wait. Again. Will the result satisfy me?
Frozen heart. Ezekiel said, “There isn’t anything called a frozen heart. If so, you won’t donate to the victims of the disaster.” This is only in one instance. Does it prove anything? I think otherwise. It can only show that probably 5% of the heart thawed. Trivial matters. Why am I so bothered by it? It just shows that I have got nothing better to do to involve myself in such “entangling” matters. Preposterous! Verdict: 95% is still frozen.
Out of the blue, da ke ai appeared on 16 Jan 2005. Really adorable. I’m treated so well, yet I did such things so sabotage, all for the sake of myself. => Self-centered. The “sticky” attitude doesn’t work on xiao ke ai. What kind of attitude to adopt when relating to da ke ai? Will I still be getting the same old phrases? The damn problem is: I don’t even know da ke ai’s identity! Andrew kor ah.. I bring u there, u judge for me can not?
I visited da ke ai yesterday. Chatted for quite long. All about other stuffs except what I want to find out. Mission not completed. Result: regret, upset. What if what was said is not what I want to hear? Am I being tested? Or that is only a casual remark.. Is my identity being questioned too? Thomas said that this is only a possibility. However, da ke ai just seem so familiar and so near yet so far. Should I be the one who initiate? Should I stay put in my present position just go all out to intrude?
Can somebody out there tell me what the hell should I do? I took advantage of da ke ai yesterday again. Breach of trust. What will happened if I’m not bothered anymore? Will I get my desserts? Soon. Definitely. Retribution is on the way. Da ke ai, I’m sorry ok? Forgive me. Is it possible to send me your picture? Will I see u in tampines today?
“I”, “me”, “myself”. Taboo words. These words cause my to quarrel with xiao ke ai, and all thanks to these words, I’m ignored. Should I use “we”, “us”, “ourselves” in the first place? It’s to late to realize now. Too pissed off to talk to me le. Can someone talk to me?? Hello!! Anyone there? Isn’t there anyone around?
Why do I have to swallow criticisms that are not true from the “superior” adults? Are they given the priviledge to give unjustifiable, crude remarks? Women. Nothing but trouble. I dunno if this applies to others, but it definitely is the case in my family. Forever so many problems with them. Petty, miserly, always concerned of their face. WTF! What good have I done to receive such wonderful rewards? Hopefully it will get over and done with.
Xiao ke ai, I’ll still persevere de. You can never shake me off, unless I die. I’m gonna fight for the sake of us.
Are You Ga(me)?, 9:07 AM.
