Thursday, October 28, 2004
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I’m suffering from a major depression. I’m guilty for not studying enough. Sigh. Don’t talk about this anymore lar. Anyway, shit man. Failed to get Irene’s contact number yesterday. I don’t know about myself. First it is this, then another came in, I’m so confused.
Which exactly is better for me. I can do this with this but can’t do this with that. Each has its own good points. I guess in life, you will just have to give and take. One can’t possibly have everything bah. However, I would want to question the presence of love. It is such a sacred word and people are using it so freely. Ha. I love you, You love me. I’m your everything, you are my everything. Now you don’t even know whether this is derived from the bottom of one’s heart.
Today’s biology practical really sucks to the core. Perhaps today just isn’t my day bah. It just seems that everything goes wrong today. Why? I don’t know. Look, I’m saying don’t know again. It is such a taboo word and I’m using it. Never mind. Lord, are you there to carry me? Are u there to shield me from everything? If you can’t, will you give me someone to accompany me when needed.
I don’t know why I’m saying this, but is seems that Douglas treats me better than Andrew does. Perhaps Andrew is still young and has lots of schoolwork to do. Quite guilty of disturbing him during his exams period. I’m a bad boy isn’t it? Haiz. This kind of didi also have. Nevertheless, Andrew kor, Jon kor, jia you ok? And Alex di. Sorry that I haven’t been devoting much time to you. However, when I have the time to call you, either you never pick up or you off your phone. Are we not fated to talk? Just want to tell you that even if I didn’t call you, I’m there for you.
Carry on with life wor, everyone, although I cannot confirm whether life’s beautiful. At the very least, it sucks terribly for me. Don’t know how to change my eccentric character. Lord, I pray. I pray for myself to enter mass com. Love that course soooooo much.
Poor thing. No money to buy Stef Sun’s album tomorrow. So sad. Can’t have the t-shirt liao. Limited to 20000 thouand pieces only. Most importantly, it’s only available in Singapore lor. Stupid. Wo de ai, ming ming hai zai, zhuan shen le cai ming bai gai ba xing fu zhao hui lai, er bu shi ge zi mian huai. A phrase from Wo De Ai by Stef Sun
“A heartfelt tear can show our love as words can never do; It says, ‘I want to share your pain---My heart goes out for you.” [D. De Haan]
Have you been hurt by those you’ve tried to love?
Have you been tempted to withhold your love from them as a result?
Nothing costs as much as loving---except not loving.
Which exactly is better for me. I can do this with this but can’t do this with that. Each has its own good points. I guess in life, you will just have to give and take. One can’t possibly have everything bah. However, I would want to question the presence of love. It is such a sacred word and people are using it so freely. Ha. I love you, You love me. I’m your everything, you are my everything. Now you don’t even know whether this is derived from the bottom of one’s heart.
Today’s biology practical really sucks to the core. Perhaps today just isn’t my day bah. It just seems that everything goes wrong today. Why? I don’t know. Look, I’m saying don’t know again. It is such a taboo word and I’m using it. Never mind. Lord, are you there to carry me? Are u there to shield me from everything? If you can’t, will you give me someone to accompany me when needed.
I don’t know why I’m saying this, but is seems that Douglas treats me better than Andrew does. Perhaps Andrew is still young and has lots of schoolwork to do. Quite guilty of disturbing him during his exams period. I’m a bad boy isn’t it? Haiz. This kind of didi also have. Nevertheless, Andrew kor, Jon kor, jia you ok? And Alex di. Sorry that I haven’t been devoting much time to you. However, when I have the time to call you, either you never pick up or you off your phone. Are we not fated to talk? Just want to tell you that even if I didn’t call you, I’m there for you.
Carry on with life wor, everyone, although I cannot confirm whether life’s beautiful. At the very least, it sucks terribly for me. Don’t know how to change my eccentric character. Lord, I pray. I pray for myself to enter mass com. Love that course soooooo much.
Poor thing. No money to buy Stef Sun’s album tomorrow. So sad. Can’t have the t-shirt liao. Limited to 20000 thouand pieces only. Most importantly, it’s only available in Singapore lor. Stupid. Wo de ai, ming ming hai zai, zhuan shen le cai ming bai gai ba xing fu zhao hui lai, er bu shi ge zi mian huai. A phrase from Wo De Ai by Stef Sun
“A heartfelt tear can show our love as words can never do; It says, ‘I want to share your pain---My heart goes out for you.” [D. De Haan]
Have you been hurt by those you’ve tried to love?
Have you been tempted to withhold your love from them as a result?
Nothing costs as much as loving---except not loving.
Are You Ga(me)?, 9:56 PM.
Saturday, October 23, 2004
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I’m back. Finally, after so many months, I’m back. Think I’ve gotta do an explanation of my absence bahz. Many things happened during these few months. It was hell for me. My computer did not become faulty. Something else was going on. There was a seizure and my computer was taken away from me. I had to buy a “new” one (second hand larz, can’t afford ex stuffs now).
Done with the explanation. Sigh. So many things happened during this period of my time. There was a seizure, my auntie died of heart attack, I suspect myself having depression etc. Juz too many to be named. I met Moses. He misled me, toyed with my feelings and made me a fool. I was partly at fault too. Blame it on my naivety. I met Ivan. I think he likes me. Haha *thick skinned*. I met Douglas. He’s a police inspector, so cool right? Anyway, I’m a pauper now. So poor that I have problems paying my handphone bills.
Ok. Forget the past. Let’s talk about today. I was supposed to go for the St Andrew’s open house, but did not go in the end. I went to Douglas’s house to study lor. Haiz. Sianz. We went to takashimaya for the Sincere Fine watches Jubilee Exhibition. So cool. I saw a Frank Muller which I like damn much. Guess wat? 1.4 mil. Another one: A. Lange Sohne. $150k. How’s that? Anyway, the Fortis Space Art is cool too. We went to coffee club express, saw a bunch of cute guys. Haiz. No interest lar. None of my concern. Guess Jonathan Teo will be fascinated if he’s here. LoL
I’m worried. For lots and lots of things. I read Andrew kOr’s blog. I really worry about him lor. Dunno whether he’ll feel it lar, but, if he don wanna help himself, I can’t help either. I just can’t help but worry after reading those strong emotional words involved. Saying that he coughed blood, suffered from a major depression, complaining that God haven’t been protecting him. Why is the world so crude? Sigh. I worry for my ‘O’-levels too. 8 days left. Haven’t been doing much. I forced myself. But always lose to temptations. There are just too many in the world. Why can’t I control? I failed. Failed terribly. I find myself really useless. Andrew’s hurt and I can’t save him, as in enlighten him. I wanna get Irene’s number but don’t dare. I wanna get Yu Chian’s contact but didn’t manage to get it too. I did so badly in my prelims. I feel like a piece of shit. I may look cheerful to everyone. However, nvm..Don talk abt it anymore lar. This is making me feel terrible.
My heart is very confused. I’m unsure of my sexuality. I’m confused over every single thing. Although I promised not to discriminate and ajs, but I broke the promise today. I’m so sorry, but who should I apologize to? I’m confused practically over every single thing. Wat am I suppose to do? Nicholas, you useless piece of junk. Dunno why I call Shi Liang darling.. Dunno whether he likes it. But I juz called it for fun lar. Don mean it actually. He has a stead, and it is impossible for us to be together.. Hey, anyway, he’s only a brother to me. There are many occasions when I’m sad and I do wanna cry, but no tears came out. Why is there a rule that guys shouldn’t cry? Lord, I pray. I pray for Jonathan Phay, Andrew Hui and Nicholas Lim. I want all three of us to live happily. Especially Andrew. Andrew, if you are reading my blog, I want you to know that I’m always there. No matter what happens. You’ve got me. I’d get ready a shoulder for you to cry on. And to Junde, if u r reading, I juz wanna say Thank You. Thank you for so much, teaching me when I don understand certain things, sitting with me for lunch instead of Jing Mei’s grp who always think that I’m gay. Thanks to Pao Ka Liao who listens to my problems. Thanks to Hua Yi, who’s always criticizing me, behind my back. A word of advice: Criticise me str8 in my face if there’s a need to. Thank you. I don’t think u’ll be reading my blog. Thank you Lord, for blessing us. Amen. Hallelujiah.
“Car Dieu a tant aime le monde qu’il a donne son Fils unique, afin que quiconque croit en lui ne perisse point, mais qu’il ait la vie eternelle” [John 3:16]
Done with the explanation. Sigh. So many things happened during this period of my time. There was a seizure, my auntie died of heart attack, I suspect myself having depression etc. Juz too many to be named. I met Moses. He misled me, toyed with my feelings and made me a fool. I was partly at fault too. Blame it on my naivety. I met Ivan. I think he likes me. Haha *thick skinned*. I met Douglas. He’s a police inspector, so cool right? Anyway, I’m a pauper now. So poor that I have problems paying my handphone bills.
Ok. Forget the past. Let’s talk about today. I was supposed to go for the St Andrew’s open house, but did not go in the end. I went to Douglas’s house to study lor. Haiz. Sianz. We went to takashimaya for the Sincere Fine watches Jubilee Exhibition. So cool. I saw a Frank Muller which I like damn much. Guess wat? 1.4 mil. Another one: A. Lange Sohne. $150k. How’s that? Anyway, the Fortis Space Art is cool too. We went to coffee club express, saw a bunch of cute guys. Haiz. No interest lar. None of my concern. Guess Jonathan Teo will be fascinated if he’s here. LoL
I’m worried. For lots and lots of things. I read Andrew kOr’s blog. I really worry about him lor. Dunno whether he’ll feel it lar, but, if he don wanna help himself, I can’t help either. I just can’t help but worry after reading those strong emotional words involved. Saying that he coughed blood, suffered from a major depression, complaining that God haven’t been protecting him. Why is the world so crude? Sigh. I worry for my ‘O’-levels too. 8 days left. Haven’t been doing much. I forced myself. But always lose to temptations. There are just too many in the world. Why can’t I control? I failed. Failed terribly. I find myself really useless. Andrew’s hurt and I can’t save him, as in enlighten him. I wanna get Irene’s number but don’t dare. I wanna get Yu Chian’s contact but didn’t manage to get it too. I did so badly in my prelims. I feel like a piece of shit. I may look cheerful to everyone. However, nvm..Don talk abt it anymore lar. This is making me feel terrible.
My heart is very confused. I’m unsure of my sexuality. I’m confused over every single thing. Although I promised not to discriminate and ajs, but I broke the promise today. I’m so sorry, but who should I apologize to? I’m confused practically over every single thing. Wat am I suppose to do? Nicholas, you useless piece of junk. Dunno why I call Shi Liang darling.. Dunno whether he likes it. But I juz called it for fun lar. Don mean it actually. He has a stead, and it is impossible for us to be together.. Hey, anyway, he’s only a brother to me. There are many occasions when I’m sad and I do wanna cry, but no tears came out. Why is there a rule that guys shouldn’t cry? Lord, I pray. I pray for Jonathan Phay, Andrew Hui and Nicholas Lim. I want all three of us to live happily. Especially Andrew. Andrew, if you are reading my blog, I want you to know that I’m always there. No matter what happens. You’ve got me. I’d get ready a shoulder for you to cry on. And to Junde, if u r reading, I juz wanna say Thank You. Thank you for so much, teaching me when I don understand certain things, sitting with me for lunch instead of Jing Mei’s grp who always think that I’m gay. Thanks to Pao Ka Liao who listens to my problems. Thanks to Hua Yi, who’s always criticizing me, behind my back. A word of advice: Criticise me str8 in my face if there’s a need to. Thank you. I don’t think u’ll be reading my blog. Thank you Lord, for blessing us. Amen. Hallelujiah.
“Car Dieu a tant aime le monde qu’il a donne son Fils unique, afin que quiconque croit en lui ne perisse point, mais qu’il ait la vie eternelle” [John 3:16]
Are You Ga(me)?, 10:51 PM.
