Wednesday, May 05, 2004
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For such a long time, here i am, back again. I don't know what have i done wrong in my past life to deserve this. A human. Let's name him A.H. For your information, that's the initials of the original name. A.H, hopefully when you read this, you will know. A.H entered my life on 16 Jan 2004. We met at the NEL control station at Dhoby Ghaut. I could still bemember vividly that A.H was wearing a Levi's Type 1 Jeans, with a plain white bossini t-shirt and a pair of blue jeans.
We walked aimlessly along the strees of Orchard before finally reaching at Takashimaya where somethin interesting was done at the office building. I felt very loved when i was with A.H. a lot of happiness was given to me from A.H. during that period of time. Our second meeting was on 23 Jan 2004 where we went to compass point to buy somethin interesting and vowed to wear it on the next day, which is the chinese new year.
As A.H. was working in pasta mania at scotts, i cannot call or msg A.H everytime i missed A.H. In order to hear A.H's voice often, i made A.H promise to call me during my recess and after school. I go to the extend of skipping my recess because i wanna chat with A.H. That was in the month of January and February. On one rainy day, i finally got A.H to sing to me. A.H sang a song which is very touching and i teared a little. I don't know what's the name of that song.
Every night, i look forward to 11pm when A.H will call me without fail. On one ocassion, when A.H called me late, i was so worried. and when A.H lost the phone on sat, i was so worried that i nearly wanted to run all the way to Tanjong Pagar to find A.H. all i could think of is A.H during that period of time. my regret was that i lived far away from A.H and i could not see A.H everyday. I even fought very hard to rent a room near A.H and because of that, i had a hyper ventilation after quarrelling vehemently with my parents. All i gave was stupid excuses. Does A.H know? No he doesn't.
I had always stood by A.H and A.H did the same too. i knew a.h loved me a lot. However, i, on the other hand, was afraid of love. So we only be very good brothers. A.H would try to hold my hands in public but i'll avoid it. Come to think of it, i really regret what i have done to A.H. Eventually, i took up the courage to propose to A.H a few days ago. I didn't know that A.H was attached. i was very sad. The great brother who had never scolded me before finally did so last night. A.H blamed me for causing A.H's increase in HP bills. I was also blamed for causing A.H's stead to be angry with A.H. How do u think i will feel? i was shattered. I finally coughed out blood during midnight and was sent to the Hospital for check-up. i am upset, but why do i hav to put up a brave front in front of everybody?
I congratulated A.H while holding back my tears. I have done so much, yet i do not get the much deserved happiness. Why is it like that? is it true when people say that the world is unfair? A.H claimed to love me so much during the time when A.H is steadless. Now he has one, i'm being put aside. Is It Fair??? I certainly don't think so. I guess this is the reason why am i afraid of love. I afraid to be rejected, to be abandoned as i don't enjoy much happiness at home. i really need a person to care for me so much like what A.H previously did. I told A.H everything. Deep secrets buried in my heart for years. Yet i'm being treated in this way. How can i not feel disappointed? i am very sad. Not because i cannot be together with A.H, but because of the unfair treatment. Some may think that i'm only expecting some sympathy from A.H. I can say confidently that i'm not! If whoever who feels negatively about my blog then don't read it. Anyway if A.H is reading my blog now, i would like to apologise for the hurt i caused you to bear with. This must be retribution.
A.H once promised that when A.H get the salary, I would be treated to movies and coffee and A.H will buy things for me. I guess this isn't going to happen anymore. Unknowingly, a tear has dropped......A.H, i miss you. I know u'll not be back by my side anymore. Just wanna wish you happiness in whatever you do and stay happy everyday.
We walked aimlessly along the strees of Orchard before finally reaching at Takashimaya where somethin interesting was done at the office building. I felt very loved when i was with A.H. a lot of happiness was given to me from A.H. during that period of time. Our second meeting was on 23 Jan 2004 where we went to compass point to buy somethin interesting and vowed to wear it on the next day, which is the chinese new year.
As A.H. was working in pasta mania at scotts, i cannot call or msg A.H everytime i missed A.H. In order to hear A.H's voice often, i made A.H promise to call me during my recess and after school. I go to the extend of skipping my recess because i wanna chat with A.H. That was in the month of January and February. On one rainy day, i finally got A.H to sing to me. A.H sang a song which is very touching and i teared a little. I don't know what's the name of that song.
Every night, i look forward to 11pm when A.H will call me without fail. On one ocassion, when A.H called me late, i was so worried. and when A.H lost the phone on sat, i was so worried that i nearly wanted to run all the way to Tanjong Pagar to find A.H. all i could think of is A.H during that period of time. my regret was that i lived far away from A.H and i could not see A.H everyday. I even fought very hard to rent a room near A.H and because of that, i had a hyper ventilation after quarrelling vehemently with my parents. All i gave was stupid excuses. Does A.H know? No he doesn't.
I had always stood by A.H and A.H did the same too. i knew a.h loved me a lot. However, i, on the other hand, was afraid of love. So we only be very good brothers. A.H would try to hold my hands in public but i'll avoid it. Come to think of it, i really regret what i have done to A.H. Eventually, i took up the courage to propose to A.H a few days ago. I didn't know that A.H was attached. i was very sad. The great brother who had never scolded me before finally did so last night. A.H blamed me for causing A.H's increase in HP bills. I was also blamed for causing A.H's stead to be angry with A.H. How do u think i will feel? i was shattered. I finally coughed out blood during midnight and was sent to the Hospital for check-up. i am upset, but why do i hav to put up a brave front in front of everybody?
I congratulated A.H while holding back my tears. I have done so much, yet i do not get the much deserved happiness. Why is it like that? is it true when people say that the world is unfair? A.H claimed to love me so much during the time when A.H is steadless. Now he has one, i'm being put aside. Is It Fair??? I certainly don't think so. I guess this is the reason why am i afraid of love. I afraid to be rejected, to be abandoned as i don't enjoy much happiness at home. i really need a person to care for me so much like what A.H previously did. I told A.H everything. Deep secrets buried in my heart for years. Yet i'm being treated in this way. How can i not feel disappointed? i am very sad. Not because i cannot be together with A.H, but because of the unfair treatment. Some may think that i'm only expecting some sympathy from A.H. I can say confidently that i'm not! If whoever who feels negatively about my blog then don't read it. Anyway if A.H is reading my blog now, i would like to apologise for the hurt i caused you to bear with. This must be retribution.
A.H once promised that when A.H get the salary, I would be treated to movies and coffee and A.H will buy things for me. I guess this isn't going to happen anymore. Unknowingly, a tear has dropped......A.H, i miss you. I know u'll not be back by my side anymore. Just wanna wish you happiness in whatever you do and stay happy everyday.
Are You Ga(me)?, 11:07 PM.
